i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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