I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
