woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
