You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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