I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
