if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
