Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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