This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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