so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
