How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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