I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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