well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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