Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
