My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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