i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
