he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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