smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
