I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
