I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
