what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
