i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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