We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
