youre lurking in front of me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
