dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
