I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
