my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
