Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
