I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
