omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
