I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
