We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
