Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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