How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
