A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
