I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
