My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
3 2 1 whiskey
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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