i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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