If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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