he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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