Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
