...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
