Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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