they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
