I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
