i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
