His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
