If you die in college, do you die in real life?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
