My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
