look no pants
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
