I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
